OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
