Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
