So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
