I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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