i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
