Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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