the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
