so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
