quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
