So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
