your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
