She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
