Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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