it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We left the knife in your bed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
