Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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