her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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