i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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