how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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