I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
