Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i think i just lost a toe
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
