We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
