I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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