next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
