he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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