I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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