First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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