I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
