Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
