one might say we're banned from that church
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
