tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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