I wish my penis had an off switch
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who died my cat blue again?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
