Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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