I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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