oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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