I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
