i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
