dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
