Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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