That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
