I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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