38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
