I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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