why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
