talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
