I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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