People in love make me want to vomit
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
