so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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