you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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