I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
