hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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