Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
