You just made me feel so damn special
My room smells like vodka and shame
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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