I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
