she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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