i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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