Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
