Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Every concussion has its silver lining
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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