so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
